BREAKTHROUGH.

You know how they say ''live and learn'' and ''were all here for a reason'' and things like that? I have had a tremendous breakthrough, I have learned something that takes people their whole lifetime to learn. I have found this secret all by myself! This secret will save me thousands of tears, loads of heartache and an eternity of happiness.You are most likely dying to know what it is. But I only tell if you promise to use it. The secret is to love yourself, and create your very own happiness. How are you expected to be in a relationship with a boy, or friends or even your family if you have no love for yourself? If you believe that you are enough and you have enough love for yourself, it won't matter what boyfriends/friends/family walk in and out of your life. If you love yourself and promise your self to be happy no matter what, then you have found the key to one of the reasons you are here on earth. Take what you are and the qualities you have AND USE THEM to your advantage.
On a more serious note, what led me to this discovery was that I realized I had people in my life with my happiness in their hands. I had a family member extremley close to me that brought me down, mentally and emotionally. Not intentionally but they were making decisions in their life that impacted me. I finally realized, I don't have to deal with this. If they are bringing me down, as hard as it will be, they need to not be in my life. By doing this it brought me up and made me realize that I control where my happiness comes from. No more being in a bad mood if a certain guy doesn't talk to me, or a friend decides to be rude. No I'm here and I refuse to waste another minute being unhappy. I'm focusing on positive thoughts because that's where positive things happen.

& sometimes.

And the venting starts now.
Sometimes I wonder when everyone will know my story  & the things that have happened to me. Sometimes I wonder if my family will ever look back and appretiate me for the things I've done. Sometimes I wonder if my trials will ever come to an end. Sometimes I wonder who are my friends? who can I really trust? Sometimes I hate the fact that everyone in my life has let me down at one time or another. Sometimes I feel weak. Sometimes all I want to do is quit. Sometimes I realize my motivation is nothing.And sometimes, I wonder when my turn will come, when I get to happy like everyone else.

old lovin.

It's true. I'm absolutely 100% no doubt about it, ecstatic to grow old.

I mean wrinkles and everything. I have always gotten so frustrated with men and women around the world trying so desperately to stay young. Why would you want to avoid such a wonderful thing? Or why when I ask the age of an adult, do I get the look as if I had just asked them their social security number? Your getting older, it's a blessing! I cannot wait for the day when my husband and I get wrinkles and gray hair, I truly think it's a beautiful thing and that you should embrace it as much as possible. But then again that's just me. But on this one, I think everyone else is crazy and I'm the only sane one.

brothers.

The more I hear people complain(facebook) the more I realize I have to be thankful for. Let me start off by saying what handsome boys I have in my life, and how happy I am that I get to spend my life with them. I love them to much more than words can express and all for different reasons.

Chad Merrill.

Chase Bennett.

Stuart Kent.

Mitchell Gregg.

lately.

I hate that I have not written forever. So I gotta get some stuff out.

well let's start with summer.

checklist

-spent every minute down south

-got to spend time with my mom

-learned some very valuable lessons

-came home

-immediately wanted to go back

- got back on schedule

-found out my dad is getting married

-getting 5 new brother and a sister.yay.

-decided to graduate at christmas

-now have to make the decision of where to live

So here I am. My therapist bailed a while back, so this will have to do for now.

Please don't think I write to let people know how exciting my life is... no. I do if for myself. And my sanity of course.

 

my paintings.

                                        Here are 3 of my favorite paintings of mine. They are all acrylic.
                                                   I kinda have a weird obsession with trees.

inspiration.

 The most purest and perfect relationships in my life.

Grandmothers.

Grandma Renne. Mother of 10 children and would give anyone the shirt off her back. She is the most giving women I have EVER  met. She is so giving she had a robber in her house and insisted that she make him a sandwich before he goes. She is so kind and sweet and I love our movie nights, of watching her utterly long black and white movies.

Grandma Jeanne. Born and raised in the south, she is the definition of a southern bell. She is always telling me miss you sugar, I want some Sugar. (sugar=a good loving on) I am 16 years old, and will go sit on her lap an love on her. She is my very best friend, she tells me everyday how special I am to her.